The year was 2011. It was my first year at Crosby. I inherited a group of 8th grade students who were remarkable, young musicians. Because I was the new director, several students had dropped the year I arrived; however, the ones that did remain, were eager to learn. I remember feeling excited, overwhelmed, and the need to push myself so I could elevate these students who didn’t know me from Adam.
About mid-year, I was starting to get to know personalities and make connections with each student. With that, came the need to stretch them musically. I placed a single sheet on their music stands. What looked like a very easy warm-up of whole notes and half notes was actually a chorale for advanced high school groups. Their first performance attempt was a complete disaster. They could read the disappointment on my face. My 1st chair Tuba player unexpectedly raised her hand and with exasperation said, “Mr. Stivers… we are just middle school students”.
Her comment challenged me. My mind and heart began a wrestling match between what she meant and what my philosophy was as a teacher. Never in my years of education had I felt more conflicted by a students comment. After a few days of reflection, I began to unpack with my students about her comment—both the truth in her statement and the sad reality we have slowly established as a culture today*.
[*Before I proceed, I want to make it known that I am speaking primarily out of my personal opinions but also what I have witnessed in my years of education. I might not be an anthropologist on paper, but I sure have seen a lot of changes while being emerged in youth culture for 20+ years. I am convinced there is data to support my reasoning (my growing list here), but for now I am going to run with what I’ve seen to be true. That said, if you would like to step into my shoes as a teacher who is passionate about youth becoming the best they can be, that is my heart while writing this.]
I don’t remember the exact details of our heart to heart conversation that day in Room 110 of Crosby Middle School, but I do recall the clarity in my mind and heart as well as the leaning in from each student as we addressed the White Elephant in the room—to toughen up. In short, we talked about having grit. The belief that growth can only happen when we embrace challenges and develop perseverance. The belief that working with focus and accountability is the only way we can become our best. The belief that we must make every effort to eliminate excuses and dig deeper.
Such a virtue hinges not upon ones age. It is about ones attitude.
Don’t get me wrong. I am all about nurturing students in a positive and caring environment. I am aware that I am teaching first year musicians who might not know which end of the instrument to blow air into. I am also aware that trauma and other significant variables will negatively impact performance outcomes if gone unnoticed. That said, should there be grace and encouragement for a middle school student? Absolutely. Should I expect perfection? No. Should I push students to be their best? If not… I am in the wrong profession and communicating to them that mediocracy is ok.
Reflective Question: Do you believe youth today have grit?
If you are like me, the older you get, the more you find yourself on the judgement treadmill, saying things like, “kids these days” or the ever-popular “I used to walk 20 miles in the snow to school”. Perhaps you resonate with the memes you see of children growing up in the 70’s or 80’s or even 90’s compared to children today. Whereas these can seem funny and maybe even accurate, I am not so sure our human tendencies have changed, rather, our culture has slowly shifted. A culture which is lowering the bar of expectations. A culture of creating excuses for our kids. A culture which might be over-diagnosing hardships among teens. A culture which is giving exit ramps and not teaching youth to have grit.
Is life harder for kids today than it was when you or I were young? Absolutely. Are the struggles they face now magnified compared to a kid living in the 1960’s? Without a doubt. But how will our youth today develop toughness and grit if we don’t let them struggle? How can they ever become their greatest if our culture is trying to fight battles for them or prevent them from being coached by others?
Coming back to that 8th grade group of 2011… I could have easily told that Tuba player I was sorry for putting that music on her stand. That I was wrong to think middle school students could perform with musicality. That they could wait until high school or beyond to experience a real challenge. I could be the fun teacher and be remembered as just that. Or… I could focus on developing resilience, toughness, and grit. I chose to be the tough love teacher. Why? Because I knew what they were capable of.
The vision statement of our classroom reads, “Maturing into the best person we can be, one day at a time”. The only measurement we have in our classroom is a doing our best, a day at a time. For youth to give their best, it requires a spirit that is coachable and welcoming of constructive criticism. To agree that the notes within our music are not where they need to be. To not be content until we have reached a level of excellence. This is the Crosby Band way and will continue to be.
Renaissance artist and sculptor Michelangelo once said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” A sculptor must chip away layers and layers. It is messy. It is tiresome. But all effort given is to bring to life what the sculptor sees. I am no sculptor, but I am a passionate educator who works tirelessly to bring out the best in each student.
Might we continue to encourage our students to be their best. To have grit and develop toughness. To embrace the struggle and emerge as better men and women because we choose to play the more challenging music of life. To allow others to coach them from the sidelines and push them because they see the greatness within. Our youth can do remarkable things here and now; even if they are just a middle school student.
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